How to Tell if it is Love or Obsession

by Sheila Lee

Love and obsession can often be confused as the same thing. They are not. How many times have you heard of someone who says they are in “love” with someone after only knowing them for a week? Or someone who says they can’t live without their girlfriend of one month? How about that chat addict that has met someone online and says it’s “love”? How many times have you sat by the phone, in tears, because the guy or girl you liked didn’t call when they said they will? How exactly can you tell if it’s love or obsession?

Love is a respectful emotion. Love is not something that happens overnight. If you are in love, you respect the other person. You are able to do things and behave in such a way that makes the other person feel good. In other words, you put the other person first before yourself. Love is not selfish. It is not demanding. It is not controlling.

If you are in love (or want to be in love), you must be patient. Take the time to get to know the person. Let the relationship be nurtured. Let it grow. Allow the other person to not feel smothered or stalked. Trust is earned, so give them their space and allow them their freedom without having to think that they can’t do anything without you. In other words, allow them to be an individual. And above all, do not change yourself for the other person. Let them love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

Obsession, on the other hand, is the opposite of how you should be behaving when you are in love. Obsession takes control of your life. It is ok to be constantly thinking of the other person, but when it interferes in your daily life, when it starts making you feel depressed, anxious, worried, angry and sad, then it is not love. It is obsession.

People who are obsessed do not think properly. Their expectations of the other person and of the relationship are unrealistic. They expect the other person to always want to be with them every day. They expect the other person to always be home when they say they’ll be home, or to phone when they say they will. They may feel paranoid about the other person cheating on them.  Some people who are obsessed will try to mold themselves into something they are not because they may think the other person will prefer them a certain way. They lack trust in the other person. They may cry a lot, feel depressed when they are not around the other person and their moods may swing from joyous to sad at the drop of a dime. They will drop other plans just to be with the other person. Their whole life will revolve around the other person and they will plan things and schedule plans around the other person. This is not healthy, respectful of the other person, or “love”.

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