This Q&A newsletter is a little different from
all of the others that I've done in the past...
This week I'm going to address an email that I
got from a WOMAN. Now, I get a lot of email from female
readers, and I include a lot of it in the Mailbags...
but this particular email just stuck out, and I think
that we can all learn something important from it.
Keep reading, because this gets interesting...
***QUESTION***
I agree that your "funny/cocky" routine works very
well and women are attracted to it. Yet, I have to
disagree with you on one aspect, women LOVE to be
complimented. They live for it. Why else, but to get
men's attention and be complimented, do they spend
hours getting ready, and buy all that sexy clothing?
Sure, their faces light up when you make them laugh
or they really have fun. But how many times have you
seen that special girl smile at you and kiss you
like there's no tomorrow when you tell her she's the
most incredible thing in the world and that she's
so beautiful you just can't stop loving her? Probably
never, because you think that's a "wuss" thing to do.
But you don't know how wrong you are.
J.
Ben-IL
>>>MY COMMENTS
I'm going to break down the things you're talking
about into a few specific topics, then address them
individually.
Here are the three that I'd like to address:
1) The idea that women LOVE to be complimented.
2) The idea that women spend all of the time and energy
getting ready and fixing themselves up because
they want compliments.
3) The difference between complimenting a "special"
girl and complimenting just ANY girl.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you read
my commentary on this letter and these different
topics:
1) We humans (and I'm talking about women in particular
here) don't always REALIZE what we REALLY want.
2) We humans don't like to admit what's REALLY going
on inside of us because it can be irrational and
illogical.
3) It's very important to realize that there is a
CRITICAL difference between a girl you've just met
or have dated a few times and a SPECIAL girl in
your life.
So let's talk about the topics individually...
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THE IDEA THAT WOMEN LOVE TO BE COMPLIMENTED
Do women love to be complimented?
I think so.
In fact, I think that many really ATTRACTIVE women
FEED off of attention and compliments. The more attention
and compliments they get, the better and more powerful
they feel. It's an ego boost.
BUT... and it's a BUTTTTT bigger than J-Lo's, this
doesn't mean that a woman will feel ATTRACTED to you
if you give her compliments.
Attractive women get compliments in various forms
all the time. In fact, they're so used to getting
compliments that it's what they EXPECT.
As a matter of fact, if you start talking to an
attractive woman and say "Wow, you're really beautiful.
I mean, you're like a goddess... are you a model or
an actress?" etc. the most LIKELY response you're
going to get is her giving you the cold shoulder.
Why?
Because SHE GOT WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM YOU, and you
showed her that you're JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER guy out
there that will worship her for her physical beauty.
As a general rule, you ALWAYS want to avoid being
mentally slotted into the "average" and "like all the
other guys" category at ALL COST.
Now, I have started conversations by giving a woman
a compliment, but I NEVER let it become part of the
actual conversation. If anything, I begin teasing
and making fun of her looks as soon as possible if
she's REALLY hot-looking. And I never give the compliment
in a way that says "I'm intimidated because you're
obviously very powerful and desirable."
On to idea #2...
WOMEN SPEND ALL OF THE TIME AND ENERGY GETTING READY, FIXING
THEMSELVES UP, AND DRESSING SEXY TO GET COMPLIMENTS
About 4 or 5 years ago when I was first learning
about how to be successful with women, a good friend
of mine said something that totally shocked me.
He said: "Women don't dress up for men, they dress
up for each other."
I was stunned.
I couldn't understand the logic behind this for
the life of me. It still makes me shake my head when
I think about it.
As it so happens, I have lived in Southern California
for a few years (San Diego and Los Angeles). This is
a place where beautiful women from all over the world
come to seek fame and fortune.
I have been able to see things and learn things
here that it would have taken much longer to learn
if I had lived in other places, because I can see
how attractive women interact with EACH OTHER more
often.
If you put a group of attractive women together
in a club or bar, and watch them carefully, you'll
see something interesting begin to happen...
The women will start doing "catty" things, like
looking each other up and down with disgusted looks,
making negative comments to their friends about how
other women look, and trying to intimidate other women
with their eyes.
Most men would never notice this subtle communication
that's going on between women, but if you look for
it, you'll find it.
The fact is that women don't like to compete with
each other on the football field, they compete to be
the most attractive.
|
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Men could really care less what a woman is wearing
or how she's dressed for the most part. Sure, it's
nice to see a woman dressed well, but it's just not
that important.
But for women it's a whole different matter entirely.
Women, and especially attractive women, don't like
the idea that another woman is getting more attention
than her. And women can tell very quickly if another
woman is more attractive... this leads to "bitch looks",
negative comments, and other amazing displays.
To summarize, women don't spend a lot of time fixing
themselves up to get compliments, they do it to compete
with and impress other women. Ask a few attractive,
well-dressed women about this and they'll tell you.
Finally, point #3...
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COMPLIMENTING A GIRL YOU DON'T KNOW VERY
WELL AND A "SPECIAL" GIRL
My topic is women and dating.
WOMEN AND DATING.
It's not "women you're in a relationship with" or
"special girls" or anything of the sort.
After you've gone out with a woman for a few months
or so, and she proves to you beyond the shadow of a
doubt that she's a great PERSON, then I think it's
great to consider making her your "special girl."
And yes, the dynamics change at that point. You
can be nicer... you can be more complimentary... you
can do more thoughtful things... At this stage this
kind of thing will have a different meaning (BUT DON'T
EVER TURN INTO A WUSSY!).
But as I just mentioned, if you start talking to
an attractive woman, and you immediately start with
the "You are beautiful and I'm not worthy" routine,
you shoot yourself in the foot.
There's a HUGE opportunity in these first-meeting
situations, but most guys never even CONSIDER it because
it's not what comes natural.
The thing to do when you meet an attractive woman
is to actually TEASE AND BUST on her a bit, rather
than giving her compliments.
This effectively scrambles her whole program and
causes her to lose her composure. It takes her off
guard and shakes her out of her world... so you can
actually have a conversation.
Remember the Mailbag recently with the guy who
walks up to women and says "Your fly is open", then
walks away?
The woman always comes and finds him to say "You're
a JERK!"... and then he laughs at her... and the woman
winds up going out with him.
Verrrrrry interesting.
Do you think it would work the same way if he walked
up to women and said "You're amazingly beautiful" and
then walked away?
I think not.
So, in summary, you're right... women do in fact
like compliments. But if you want to make a woman
feel that magical feeling of ATTRACTION for you, then
you might think twice about giving them too early on.
Women like compliments that they have to WORK FOR
a lot more than the ones that just come to them.
...and if you're reading this right now and thinking
to yourself "You know, I need to learn this stuff
about how to meet and attract women so I can get rid
of that insecure and fearful feeling I have", then
YOU'RE RIGHT!
I think that every man should invest in himself,
and learn this skill.
Unfortunately, most guys never take the time and
invest in themselves... and they wind up going their
whole lives WISHING that they could attract the kinds
of women that they want.
Well, I used to be one of the guys who didn't know
what he was doing with women. Now I'm one of the guys
who can go out anytime, in any situation and attract
women.
What's the difference?
I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN.
And if you'd like to learn, then I recommend you
learn the things that I learned FIRST.
It's taken me a long time to figure all this stuff
out, and it's also taken a lot of time, effort, and
energy on my part to put it all down on paper and on
audio and video... so that any guy can learn from the
things I've discovered.
I'd like to personally invite you to check out
my materials. In a matter of hours you can learn things
that it took me YEARS to figure out... all from the
comfort and privacy of your own home.
My Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD Program has
over 12 full hours of me teaching live... all recorded
and edited in high-quality digital video and audio.
It contains literally HUNDREDS of great ideas for
meeting and dating women... and it's probably the
single best investment you can make in your dating
life.
My eBook "Double Your Dating" is the FOUNDATION
for everything I teach in these newsletters, and for
everything I teach in my Advanced Series. It's a
"must read", and you can download it online and be
reading it in about 5 minutes...
The Advanced CD/DVD Series is here and the eBook (available for
immediate download) are available here:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingAdvice.com/Ebook/
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment,
follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I
appreciate all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell
you how well your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO
need to hear all of the specifics... because this helps other guys to
see what's working in different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject
line of the email. I read these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where
you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com
...Thanks!
©
1999 - 2007 Sheila's Kissing Booth
