by Ask Rob! The Advice General
I read some of your articles and I thought I could get some advice
I met a girl through eharmony, she seemed to be a decent and smart
girl also very hot. We went out on date on Saturday, we were having
a good time (or at least so I think). While leaving I asked her if
we could go out again and she said sure.
I called her on Monday night, since she told me she was busy Sunday,
to thank her for the good evening we had. I wanted to see her again
so I called her on Wednesday and left her a message. She didn't call
me back. I called her again on Saturday night and left a message on
her voicemail but I didn't get a call back. I called again on Sunday
night and got her on the phone. She said she was a bit sick, etc.,
and was going to watch a movie at home. She said she will call me
the next day, on Monday . But its been two weeks and no call from
I haven't called her back since. Could you explain what is going on
with her and what should be my next step, attitude and strategy,
cause I think she is worth the wait.
I'd have to think that she's blowing you off. No matter what she
told you the date didn't go that well.
You had a first date on a Saturday night (mistake number one) and
you didn't wait to call her as you should have. Instead you called
her four times in the week after your date (multiple mistakes
here!). Each call probably sounding more and more desperate, more
needy. No matter how confident you may have seemed on your first
date, all the calls showed how out of control you are when playing
in the dating game.
You may feel that she's worth the wait, but do you know what that
means? Worth the wait means waiting for her to move closer to you,
as in a long distance relationship. Or waiting for her to get over
some personal issues while staying in touch with her. Saying she's
worth the wait while you're sitting by your phone waiting for her
call isn't waiting, it's stupidity.
If you don't believe me, then in a week from now call her up and ask
her out for a simple coffee date. If she agrees to meet you, then
start over. If she blows you off again, forget her. She's not as
compatible as you were led to believe.
You've got your eharmony membership, use it again. She just wasn't
your compatible date, that's for sure.
Next time don't invest so much into your first date.
The rule for first time meetings from an online dating service is a
short date on a weekday afternoon or early evening. Or maybe
Saturday afternoon but never a weekend evening. Take an hour to be
together, to talk. No alcohol, no movies, no involved dinners. End
this first meeting after an hour and tell her you'll call later to
see if she arrived home OK. Keep this conversation short. Now is not
the time to start long phone conversations. Call her the next
Tuesday or Wednesday asking her out for Friday or Saturday night.
Then have a nice dinner and plan something the two of you can do
together. Again, no movies. Your first couple of dates should be
interactive. Museums, art galleries, bowling, even shopping.
Stick to the rules and you'll be more confidant, your self-assurance
will shine and you'll stop wasting time waiting for the ladies to
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